While Asleep
by Linnadra
Summary: It is while you are asleep that your real self is shown and exposed, and when your feelings can't be concealed. For the Doctor it is the only time when his guard is let down and his grief shows. Third series. Ten/Rose. One-shot. Martha's POV


**Author's Note: This is my first ever published fan-fic, so I would gladly welcome constructive criticism on this one-shot featuring Martha Jones and the Doctor. This takes place after the seventh episode, 42, of the third series. **

**This is basically a Doctor/Rose story, which shows the Doctor when he lets his guard down in his mourning of her, told in the perspective of Martha.**

It was her first night in the Tardis. They had just survived getting incinerated by a vengeful sun and Martha was lying in her brand new bed in her brand new room, twisting and turning.

Sleep was stubbornly avoiding her, always slipping out of her reach when she thought she could grasp it.

Closing her eyes was just painful. When she tried at first, it felt like she was back in the escape pod, seconds from death.

After an hour of staring up into the ceiling and thinking about her near death experience, the _really_ unpleasant thoughts began to surface.

Every time she tried to close her eyes and gain some sense of peace, _his _face danced behind her eyelids. She could almost feel his lips press against hers when she remembered the kiss in the hospital.

Right after the original warmth and giddiness inside her chest, the pain stabbed her, not so unexpectedly, in the same place.

It hurt, but she couldn't help but to feel strongly attracted to him. The Doctor. Oh, how she wanted to call him _Her _Doctor, but no, he didn't see her that way and he probably never would. She knew that as a fact and the feeling was as strong as her love for him.

Sometimes she had wondered, and still did, wether the pain was worth it all. _A thousand times, yes, _was the answer she came up with. Aliens, near death experiences, the pain, the running, everything, was worth just being with him and seeing those amazing things.

After about two hours of contemplation she turned around and looked at the watch on her bedside table. Half past one. As sleep still avoided her, she decided to get up and make herself a warm cup of soothing, red tea in the kitchen.

When she got up she fumbled with the doorknob, still not used to her new room and the new door. An irritated sigh escaped her lips and she got out into one of the Tardis' endless and winding corridors.

Hoping that she remembered where the kitchen was, she set out in, hopefully, the right direction.

An agonising cry of: "NOOOOO!" pierced the silence, catching Martha of guard. Another cry followed after that, but this time it was a name. Rose. It didn't really come as a surprise to her. She knew that behind his veil of faked merriness was a sadness that never escaped him.

Her heart ached for him, it really did. The pain of the loss of his last companion, and, she guessed, best friend, was always there, no matter how hard he tried to bury or conceal it. It was clearly visible when he let his act of normality falter how much he had cared for her. She actually doubted that he had slept at all since she went away. It didn't look like he had.

Martha often wondered what had happened to her, as it didn't seem like she had left willingly. It didn't seem like she was dead, because if she was, the Doctor wouldn't have that kind of hopelessness in his eyes when he mentioned her. Martha had been a medical student long enough to have seen how people look when someone close to them dies, but the Doctor didn't look like any of them.

She brushed the thoughts of Rose, the lost companion, away when she heard strangled sobs coming from a large, ornate, wooden door that appeared out of nowhere to her right. It was the library door, the place where the Doctor spent his nights nowadays. He had told her to not disturb him when he was there unless it was an emergency.

The weird thing was that the library lay farther away from her room than that. Martha guessed that the Tardis must have noticed that her dear Doctor was having an unpleasant dream and wanted Martha to wake him up and comfort him.

"You clever girl" Martha whispered to the Tardis and gently patted the wall nearest to her and received a soothing hum in response.

Without any further thought, she opened the library door and found the Doctor lying in the reading sofa. An open book lay on the floor next to him, which must have slipped from his hands when he fell asleep.

Tears that he never would have shed while awake and conscious of his actions, streaked his face, with more tears constantly pouring down. Martha found it quite uncharacteristic of him and the pain returned, stronger this time. He would never cry like that for her.

Shaking of the sudden feeling of discomfort she walked up to him and gently laid a hand on his trembling arm.

"Doctor?" she whispered without any response or reaction from him.

She tried again, but said his name louder and carefully shook him. He began to stir, but still wouldn't wake up. Normally she wouldn't become annoyed or irritated, but because of her stirring feelings that wouldn't leave her alone, she raised her voice more than necessary.

It gave result and the Doctor snapped open his eyes, looking at her through his tears.

"Martha?" he inquired, slightly surprised, but his expression darkened shortly after the initial surprise had passed and he asked a bit harshly "What are you doing here?"

In response of his question that was almost on the border of rude, Martha tensed up and tried to reply pleasantly.

"Well, I didn't mean to disturb you or anything, but I couldn't sleep and was on my way to the kitchen when I heard you and suddenly the library door appeared next to me. The Tardis made it appear so I could wake you up." was her reply and she shrugged, trying to sound nonchalant.

"Oh" he answered, the harshness disappearing and he quickly dried his tears, probably hoping that she hadn't seen them.

He picked up his fallen book and Martha could barely make out the title: "Travels Between Parallel Worlds"

"Well, thank you for that. You should probably continue with your errand, I'm not really in the mood for company" he said and quietly dismissed her.

"Of course" Martha tensed up and quickly headed for the door.

Just before she closed it she could hear him mumble six words: "Oh, Rose. I wish you were here" and it broke her heart in two.


End file.
